Phoenix to Laughlin 500

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84projectford

Senior Member
Sep 8, 2010
3,114
3,574
113
Phoenix Az
Good afternoon my Sedi bros and bro-etts!

Over the last 4 years, ive been attempting to make a trip happen that would start in NW phoenix AZ, hit Laughlin, then turn around and head back to phx using as much dirt as i could find/put together. Ive fucking changed routes so many god damn times over the years due to prerunning and finding shitty roads via google maps or running into issues with rain and washed out roads or just covid fucking shit up. ive added up the miles and have 984 miles in just prerunning this damn trip. Why must you ask? because fuck you, thats why.... but ill tell you anyhow. Ihad originally planned this trip to be a day trip there, spend a day getting fucked up in Laughlin and then a day drip back. I said fuck that, gunna split this into 4 days now and see more country.

So months back, i got a group of my az dudes together and hit up Turdblow to see what select few would like to par-take in this fucking epic adventure. initially started with 18 vehicles going but as time approached, my crew was down to me plus 2 others (rest were fucking faggots) and turdblows was down to 6 including his gay ass self. @dose, @Turboyota with co dog TunerAndrew, @Do Dah and his girl Shannon, WTK (white trash kyle) and his girl Steph, Dustin and his co dog Will, @Motiracer38, my buddy @Midget_Nate with his co dog Corey, Jarrett and myself. All trucks/suv's with 2 golf carts (nate and jarrett).

The cali boys planned to drive to my place, camp and head to laughlin where they would then split and head to the Mojave trail on saturday and hit home. Brian (motiracer38) was the only hardcore troubadour cali boy that would make the full loop from phx to laughlin and back with us. Turdblow will jump in with his mojave trail report once we cross that point.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT 11/3:

The crew started to roll in around 7:30pm that night. Turdblow, Dose, Do Dah all made it without much issue. Seemed 70mph on I10 was not fast enough for the boys because truckers passed them left and right, so 75 it was. fucking desert trucks cant go that fast on the highway! wreckless mother fuckers. Beer started flowing when they hit my drive including some tequila shots from Dose. Everyone setup camp in the back yard around 10 pm after Brian showed up with his rig on the trailer. Ryan learned how to fucking say Sawhuaro (you fucking gringo), not fucking saGuaro and WTK gave a call that his ass end was hotter than partybarge after an arguement with his GF. He had a fairly fresh 9" third in the diff and we "hoped" it was just breaking in. clearly not the way to do it but little fucking late now! he turned around, went into quartzite, dropped fluid, properly disposed of said fluid as it returned to its fellow dinos below the earths crust, spent way too much on gear oil, filled it up and made it to my place by 3:00am. thats fucking boss! He could not tell if it was whining due to truck noise but kept an eye on it the rest of the trip.

THURSDAY 11/4:

8:00am was the designated leave time. That shit didnt happen.... lmao.


pic courtesy of Turdblow

We got up and movin around 7:00am and got everyone rollin up and out of there by 8:45. WTK and dustin werent even the hold up with a 3am arrival. Dose may have been catching up on some missing sleep... may have been a hang over... could have been a melatonin induced coma.... not sure but 0 fucks given as we had 4 days to do this shit. Hit the gas station outside my house and headed on route. Head up by lake pleasant, down to castle hot springs and into the washes towards Wickenburg. first stop was in the washes after nates golf cart was overheating. Was this the first beer of the day? fuck no! a few were cracked at my place prior to Dose's awakening.


Pic courtesy of Turdblow

Not sure what the issue was but liquid liberations were consumed as we let it cool. Finished our route into Wickenburg and stopped off in the Hassayampa river waiting on Jbrapp (jarrett). that little squirrly mother fucker has an itchy right foot and keeps that canned ham fucking flying down the roads 90% of the time. he stopped for fuel though, a down side to just fucking sending it everywhere.


Pic courtesy of Turdblow

Turdblow just fucking happy as can be.



Once Jbrappp caught back up, we motored on. Smashing fucking river water and hearing about how a fucking trophy truck had wipers but a toyota or two did not. Finally got up on the route to congress and we had another couple beers as a few guys missed a turn.


Pic courtesy of Turdblow. TunerAndrew looking majestic as fuck!

Sadly, this day is fucking SHIT for pictures. i think we were all massivly stoked to be slamming desert miles, hanging out with new cocks, and hitting the liquid liberations. We made it to Congress for the first major fill up around 12:00 am. Goal was to hit Hualapi mountains for camping that night but that seemed like a pretty distant goal. Again, 0 fucks given, we will camp anywhere along this route without issue. We left there and made our way towards alamo lake. little side road i had mapped was tight and full of washouts. Nate was behind me in the 4 seat canned ham and WTK "trophy truck" behind him. that Mother fucker was on nates ass like fucking flies on a horse ass! He may have been exponential widening the trail in doing so but he had a blast fucking doing it!! nate called on the radio "James, you need to fucking pick up the pace, im about to get bump passed by this god damn trophy truck!" wasnt much i could do though. limited front end travel and fucked up deep wash outs prety much limited my ass.

By this point, we hit hwy 93. We had to cross here and hit a dirt road to Alamo lake. i fucking BOOGIED down this road. averaged 65mph till i didnt. there was a wash out i didnt catch and well... didnt quite clear it when i launched off the lip. front bottomed HARD into the up side of it and proceeded to sky wheelie, bounce, bounce again and then settle down. gave the wheel a shake, looked out the window, looked in the mirror for broke parts flying off and all looked good. Fuck it, back up to 65 i go! then we came to the point where the road widens, becomes butter smooth and is about 10 miles long with slow rollers you may or may not catch air off of (i swear those fuckers use to be bigger, i think they cut them down due to lack of site over them). i bumped the speed up to 75-80 and carried on. only 2 rollers let me catch minimal air but i hear could on the radio some fuckers puttin the passes on! Brian passed Rouse at about 100 and i saw WTK coming up fast in my mirror. The last mile, him and i drove side by side at about 80-85 before having to slow for some turns. Fucking shit was bad ass! As we came to the lake, i fucked up and make a wrong turn, WTK almost got stuck but got everyone turned around and on the right trail. we pulled off for some more shit talking and "how fucking bad ass was that shit" while i assesed my damamged. looked like i only slightly tweaked my strut and jammed my camber adjustment back. fuck yeah, new valving saved the day there!





Pics courtesy of Turdblow

Did a quick camber adjustment and we headed onward. found a route through some shitty brush and silt that totally fucked up WTK and Dose's beautiful paint jobs. i mean just took them from show stopper, panty droppers and made them fucking mexico beach bashers. sad deal really. But such is herpies from vegas... We got around the lake and ran up the trail i had marked when we ran into a road block. Some dude put up a shitty fucking gate held up with rocks and claimed it was some sanctuary. Of course, the fucking astute high class top tier gentleman we are, we never even CONSIDERED going through said gate. But Jbrappp ran back down the trail a bit and found another way around. i fucking missed the road and decided to try this steep ass hill climb. got all fucking wadded up in a tree. 10 min later, i got my shitbox out after some maneuvering, got on the right road and we carried on.



Fuck turdblow, these are my photos
 

84projectford

Senior Member
Sep 8, 2010
3,114
3,574
113
Phoenix Az
I had no damn clue i changed the route on myself at this point but wound up on this bad ass graded dirt road for fucking miles. Like, we laid down some damn miles here over the course of an hour i think? Just windy enough to hang the ass end out and just enough g-outs to touch bumps at speed. we were cookin around 50-60mph. Finally came to a big 4 way cross point and had everyone gather back up. it was 4:00pm at this point and still a good 50-60 miles to the mountains i planned to stay at BUT we went 180 miles so far without out really doing much in the way of truck/gold cart issue. I called it there and decided to stay in a wash just 100 yards up the road. We fucking motored that day as i was trying to keep a damn good pace. That turbo under the hood really made it nice for speed through washes and dirt roads! Nate eventually figured out that a big fucking light bar right in front of the radiator causes golf carts to overheat when going over 50mph and once that thing came off, he was golden. as he said "600 bucks never looked so good behind the front seat on the floor board" lmao. WTK never had diff temp issues and said he never did hear the bitch start whining... same with the rear end on the truck.


Pic courtesy of Turdblow

We pulled off into a wash and i may have gotten a little hot footed and started playing "race car" up the wash for about a mile. took me a sec to realize it and we turned back around for a camp site for the night.


Pic courtesy of Nate

Food was cooked, beers started flowing and just as the sun goes down, turdblow says "boys, im hammering this 32oz natty light and then hitting the sack, im fucking tired". to which i reply "i recall a fucking german telling me that all does to him is amp him up more, i dont believe you". sure as fuck, he was up for another 1.5 hours before deciding that having a fucking RTT was an absolute waste and a 7 dollar walmart chair was a better option to sleep in



an astute viewer will notice things on the birthday boy. first, it was a game of pebble throwing to see if we could make it in his mouth. then, stack beer cans on him. this then followed up with playing Jenga with tree branches and then a group photo




Of course, the next option HAD to be a sharpie but holy fuck did that spark a "discussion" about how a milwalkie marks all or whatever the fuck its called is the best god damn thing out there and sharpies are shit and blah blah blah, then that lead into how ford 7.3s and 6.0s are shit and dumb ass nate couldnt keep his stories straight about how shitty they are when WTK and Dustin just fuckin hammered back lmao.... Jbrappp and i quickly tired of this and decided the aluminum 16oz coors lattes i was drinking made for pretty sweet "fire poppers". 2 went in and didnt do much but the last one that got throwin in had been stewing on the fire for a while. i said "Jbrappp, that fucker is gunna fucking blow". he says "na, they dont do much" and instantly after that, that cock sucker went off like a liberals head when trump was elected. Fucking fire went everywhere and burned Stephs leggings to her ass. she had to jump up and show us lmao! course jbrappp and i are over there just fucking giggling like school girls.

wasnt too long after this, we all hit the sack drunk as fuck (least most of us).

............
 

dsrtrcr01

Booshie Cat
Jan 31, 2005
6,779
3,927
113
I threw 2 silly string cans in the fire at a horse retreat when I was a kid. Blew up and threw coals all over the tents and clothes. Burned holes in everything. People were PISSED. Later someone threw a rancho shock in the fire. That sucker blew up really big. Was crazy.
 

bullnerd

Senior Member
Feb 1, 2008
2,348
3,063
113
Yeah, good stuff.

What's the story on the black ford? Looks cool.
 

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