The Book Of The Piece

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<span style="color: orange">Racer</span>
well, i havent seen it on the board, nor could i find it with a ill re-word the long lost book of The Piece so that it can be passed on for future generations. He may be gone...but he can still teach us the lessons he's learned in his years as the most advanced high tech state of the art machine known to mankind....

-The easiest way to notch your fender wells, is simply to install tires that don't fit. they will self clear eventually.

-The weld is the strongest part of the joint, therefore fabricate the joint with as much of a gap as possible, so that there will be more weld, making the joint stronger.

-Slow=Fast. building a fast motor is pointless because that will just break other things.

-Tightening bolts is pointless. that breaks loose the rust that is holding the bolts in place, therefor causing them to come loose.

-Ratchet straps, Duct tape, and zip-ties should account for 90% of the hardware holding your truck togather, otherwise it will break.

-Always carry extra jumper cables. Not to jump start your battery, but to relocate it into the passenger seat when said ratchet strap fails.

-For gusseting, just weld those useless 7/16 wrenches between the pieces of metal. but make sure you use a crafstman, those Alltrade ones break, and their not covered by warranty.

-skid plates should be made out of 1/8" aluminum, no thicker. thicker aluminum wont flex and will give a harder bottoming sensation. thinner aluminum will conform to the ground, giving a softer landing.

-Dont bother making a custom dash, girls are way more interested in gadgets with lots of dials and cool lights.

-DVD players are more important than the GPS system, because when (not if) you break in the race, you need something to do while your waiting for the chase truck.

-Gear oil in the rear differential is more of an opinion than a fact

-Putting better gears and a locker in your rear end is pointless. just keep the stock ones, the stock ones last the longest without breaking.

-(learned from Tortuga) how long does a Toyota 8" diff go without oil at full speed? 1 lap.

-Stickers dont add hp or wheel travel, but they definetly make everyone think that you just might have both.

-CNC'd 4340 chomoly tie rods with nickle plating is the most bling allowed on a race vehicle.

-dont bother with braided steel brake lines, just cut the mounts holding your stock ones in place, and it will droop more.

-If you let the truck sit in a shop long enough, it will heal itself somehow

-never use flanges on your exhaust. thats just an oportunity for bolts to come loose. instead, weld it all togather, and just re-cut and re-weld it everytime you work on the truck.

-if the tires havent gone flat after 6 years, then their not going to. no matter how little tread is left.

-Race prep ends when either the flashlight breaks or your out of Tecate and need more.

-Racing last minute with no prep, pit crew, planning, or clue what your doing is much smarter than thinking you know what your doing. at least when you dont plan, you know you dont know what your doing.

-dont clean it...just paint over it....again

-if the suspension is too soft...dont revalve it. just keep adding more nitrogen until it works.

-In Homage to The Piece's old brother El Tortuga...if you see a turtle in a race, and you stop to remove it from the path of 100mph class 1 cars, you will win the race.

-if you make something too nice on your truck, the truck will feel uncomfortable and break. keep it ugly like its used to and it will be fine.

-dont bother putting in new wheel bearings. just add more grease and tighten them tighter.

-To re-align your truck, just hit the obstacle (that put it out of alignment in the first place) twice as fast.

-a corona bottle works as a great overflow bottle for your radiator.

-instead of fixing whats broken on your truck, just add a 3rd seat or some HIDs. At least it will look cooler sitting in the shop, and in the end, you can sell them for more money to fix it when you cant afford it.

-The best way to prerun and test for barstow, is to go to ocotillo. if it feels way to stiff for ocotillo, its perfect for barstow.

this was chapter 1 of the Book Of The Piece, more to come eventually....

ok....time for chapter 2....

-radiator shrouds should be made on-site out of cardboard and duct tape. this way you can tune it specifically to each track condition.

-why replace your fuel filter? instead just add another one. if 1 is good..then 3 is great!

-money should be focused on things like DVD players and intercom systems...things like suspension components and motors can be borrowed indefinately

-prerunning and testing is for pussies. learn the track in the race, and make adjustments in the pits.

-bushes are just obstacles to be conquered, steering around them is risky and could cause a rollover...just hit them at full speed

-the on-board camera is the most vital part of the truck. even if you dont win the race, at least youll have a cool video to show you passing everyone up until mile 25

-backhalfing and linking a truck should only take 4 days max

-firewalls and fender wells can be easily constructed out of duct tape, and if you spray paint over looks just as good as sheet metal

-the third seat is vital for picking up random people in the desert who dont know where they are or where their from

-rear view mirrors are for pussies. a rear view camera is way more bling

-window nets and numbers should be worn as a badge to let everyone know your in a race truck, even in glamis or on the highway.

-who needs a clutch? or brakes? or 3rd gear? none of these are excuses for a DNF. all you need is a pitcrew full of people to push start you

-the best way to wash your truck is to go through a river in adds character

-pit stops in long distance races are best held at pemex gas stations on the side of the freeway.

-if you run anything more expensive than 87 octane..your wasting money.

-they said that hell would freeze over when the piece won a championship....well barstow froze i guess we know where hell is now...

-if a cop asks you "do you think that this is a joke son!" you say "well thats what it says on the side of my truck..."

-wire looming is pointless...its just that much harder to fix bad wiring during tech when your brake lights dont work.

-dont paint your truck, just add more stickers to cover up the bad spots.

-4 low is cool when your about to get stuck...even if you only have 2wd

-broken wheel studs need not be replaced...if the truck didnt want them on there so badly to eject them off the hub...then putting it back on will result in catastrophic failure.

-the hood, roof, and bedcage of any truck works great as extra seeting for passengers....just try not to fall off again dan.

-the more it looks like a trophy truck...the more it will work like a trophy truck. things like dual flat spares, a simple push-bar bumper, and huge 1 piece front ends make it trophy truck status.

-2" dimple dies work great as beer can holders

-beer cans work great as stub cans

-dont bother washing your truck until you drive to tech, it only needs to look good for the one cares what it looks like in the shop.

-if you cant drive your race truck on the street...your wasting your time

-kartek, brp, mckenzies.....all cost too much money. its all about EBAY

-if your shock oil isnt boiling by the end of the werent going fast enough

chapter 3:

- if you have to paint your fiberglass, you didnt plan your truck very well. buy a white truck and the fiberglass is already the right color.

- when making a pit stop/co driver change, dont bother actually stopping, just make sure you get a fast runner for a codriver

- if your smart, sell your truck after you win and buy a dirtbike

- if you want to keep your girlfriend, never sell your truck

- the worse your situation looks the night before the race, the better you'll do during the race

- always ratchet strap your motor to the frame BEFORE the motor mounts brake, that way you only need check the tightness of the strap to know your motor isnt falling out

- dont buy anything for your truck that you cant replace with parts from kragen, autozone, pep boys, or harbor frieght

- before deciding to build a truck, find a shop that has the same truck as yours sitting in it thats not done, then you can always borrow parts off of it the night before a race

- no one remembers who won the race, but they do remember who looked the coolest coming through main pit.

- for 10,000 years, man has been hitting things with hammers to make them work....dont mess with a working formula

- dont put all of your stickers you get on your truck. keep a few handfulls for racing in mexico to pay off la policia.

- always make sure your radiator fan is blowing air in the right direction

- the radio is not used for communication race information with your pit crew, it is for talking crap to the vehicle you just passed

- ciggarettes and porno need to be in the truck before tech, because you know that you still dont have a driveshaft loop

- victory donuts ARE a must after any race, the BLM ranger is lying to you

- after winning a championship, you are no longer a race team, you are now motely crue, and your hotel room better look like it the next morning

- your truck wont break if you have "rockin in the free world" playing, its a scientific fact


- grinding off the remains of a cut-off tube is a waste of time, your time is better spent doing hot laps down the street in front of the shop.

- when cutting a zip tie, dont use flush-cuts, that sharp edge is theft-deterent for all of your parts

- automatic transmission fluid...power steering fluid....shock oil....same difference

- when welding a differential togather in the pits during a race, make sure the generator is on full throttle

- dont bother trying to fix all the clanking and rattling noises the truck makes... just get an intercom system with an mp3 player to cover up the noise

- its not a problem that the engine check light is on, its when it turns back off that you have to start worrying

- when you hear the shocks boiling from 30ft away,then you were almost going the right speed

- if you dont carry a jack, youll never get a flat tire

- if the truck is too soft in the back, take off the spare tire. if its too stiff, just add another one.

- dont worry about checking to see if the hiems are loose. if you were smart you welded them on when you put them in

- if you have a leak in your tire before the race, just fill it up and worry about it later. if you try to take the tire off before the race your just goin to break a lug anyways, halfway through the race they should be loosened up enough to safely remove the flat

- the only tool you should need to remove a body panel is a pair of cutters, dzues tabs always fall out of break off, zip ties work much better

- the police arnt REALLY asking you pull over...their challenging you to a race

- "going testing" is really just an excuse to take work off and go to the desert

- the closest thing to prerunning allowed before a hot laps up and down main pit the night before

- watching macgyver everyday isnt being lazy, its training for on-track repairs
Last edited by a moderator:


Dirty Hooker Travel
Dec 30, 2003
YES&#33;&#33; The long lost book has been resurected, with updated scrolls as well... Mike how did you translate the long lost tapastries?? sp?


May 7, 2004
HB hoods.
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Matt-1481 @ Dec. 23 2004,4:13)]YES&#33;&#33; The long lost book has been resurected, with updated scrolls as well... Mike how did you translate the long lost tapastries?? sp?
that was the best word useage i have ever seen and you used the word tapastries you are the man&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;


Senior Member
Jan 19, 2004
Corona, CA
I&#39;m close to applying every single one of the rules to my truck. Thanks for posting the book that outlines exactly how I should maintain my truck.
Dec 1, 2003
Yorba Linda, CA
oh man, just a few weeks ago i was needing some pearls of wisdom from the book, and i searched for like 50 key words and phrases and came up with zilch.......awesome mike, thanks for bringin the book back. that shit should be etched on a stone tablet. waj&#33;&#33;&#33;


Senior Member
Feb 27, 2004
all this talk stirred up my highly skilled microsoft paint skills and this is what came of it...

Mike please consider this for the cover of the book


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